Uncategorized

“Listen to your inner voice…for it is a deep and powerful source of wisdom, beauty and truth, ever flowing through you…Learn to trust it, trust your intuition, and in good time, answers to all you seek to know will come, and the path will open before you.” ~ Caroline Joy Adams

Intuition exists as a constant presence inside of you. Yet one must be present for this presence! Just like breathing, your intuition has a life force that is pure and unstoppable. Yet just how often to you give credence to the rich inner wisdom your intuition is laying out for you?

I love reminding my coaching clients of the intuitive power they have at their fingertips at all times. Perhaps, most importantly, I like to remind them of how essential it is to hone one’s ability to truly value and learn how to access this information. Because if you don’t tune in to that deep well of knowledge that exists on an intuitive level, it is as if you’re leaving a huge part of yourself behind, all the while trying to roll successfully through your days. Take those blinders off! Open to your heart’s wisdom and callings. And how, you may ask, is the best way to do this?

First, slow down and listen for the intuitive rumblings alive in your heart. All too often, given the hectic pace of our lives, and the constant bombarding of stimulation we are exposed to day in and day out, it is really hard to tune in to yourself! Becoming calm, quiet and inwardly attentive is essential. A vessel must be emptied before it can be filled. Try slowing down and pressing the pause button on all those extraneous thoughts buzzing around in your head. Clear an emotional space so you can begin to hear that sweet, often quiet voice of your own deep knowing.

Listening for, and then to, your intuition is critical because it can reveal significant soul longings or soul messages you just might want to attend to. Your intuition is your personal guide to what matters to you, in your life, at any given moment! Often the information that is revealed comes in the form of a whisper, or a very subtle, soft nudge. It will most likely be nudge that you will want to be truly present for and then ready to fully embrace. Your intuition will offer you promptings that, if attended to, can guide your life forward in unbelievable ways.

Another observation I’ve had, as I’ve coached clients to listen to their inner voice, is that doubts can creep in, and become a significant deterrent to their trusting themselves. Doubts, however, are just thoughts that take you away from what you want. So banish all doubts! When they surface, instead of heading down the path of considering them further and stewing over them, simply ask yourself, “What is it that I truly want?” Clearing away doubts in this way allows you to stay more quickly and closely in touch with your authentic self.

And then there is the taking action part. Once you have developed your ability to honor your intuition as a perceptive response, you are ready to take action. And the exciting part is that you can now relax, knowing and trusting that whatever action you take will always have your best interest at heart! When you follow your intuition, you are happier, wiser and more inspired. What’s not to love about that?

Also printed in The Brick Magazine

Have you ever considered how relationships offer us endless opportunities to travel extensively, experiencing inner and outer landscapes far beyond what we can even imagine at the onset? Connecting with another human being, regardless of whether they are new to us or known, has one instantly embarking on roads that can be smooth, exciting and richly meaningful, or bumpy, filled with potholes, detours and unexpected turns.

A challenge we often face navigating the world at large, as well as the world of relationships, is that of managing expectations. When sight-seeing while traveling, for instance, if you can keep expectations at bay, you are more likely to observe and appreciate what is right in front of you. Similarly, when interpersonal expectations are minimized, at least initially, one’s ability to openly see another person just happens. Letting go of the need for a person to behave in one way or another, frees you to enjoy them as they first present themselves in the moment. Quite a simple idea, yet not necessarily an easy one to actualize.

Uncertainties abound as we travel the territory of relationships. Sitting with uncertainty stirs anxiety in many of us. I love to remind my coaching clients that getting comfortable with the state of “not knowing” is indeed a personal development talent worth exploring and getting skilled at. Perhaps the best way to do this is to remind yourself of the multiple inner resources or problem-solving skills you have. These are abilities you can, and will, call up as necessary. Remembering that you are resilient and resourceful can be a healthy defense against the anxiety that can otherwise hit you during tough, or unfamiliar relationship moments. Rather than panicking when unexpected turns, tensions, irritations, and arguments occur, these moments can become elements of the relationship to explore and work through. This is especially true when you feel you have the emotional resources needed tucked away in your emotional backpack.

Additionally, magic happens when we view relationships, of all degrees and intensities, as invitations to embark on wonderful journeys filled with rich new experiences and exciting possibilities! Relationships offer us life-long personal development challenges and opportunities. They present us, for instance, with the chance to genuinely communicate with others on all sorts of levels. Being able to do so, in and of itself, is a challenge that allows us to grow in a myriad of ways. I always relish the joy of settling into the process of really getting to know another —in doing so, my curiosity typically gifts me a more meaningful connection, a new learning or awareness, and almost always, the feeling of my own personal expansiveness. I can’t help but learn more about myself if I remain awake, aware and emotionally curious.

So, during February, I invite you to reflect on your relationships as portals to magnificent worlds, within and without! I hope that as you consider them as such, you will enjoy a travel experience of a lifetime.

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” ~Marcel Proust

~Redefining your world is an inside job. The word redefine is a verb which means “to give new definition to” or “to determine the essential quality of.” To redefine one’s world, you must begin by learning to embrace and honor yourself in new ways. As you master the art of honoring yourself, you move into living and expressing your essence. The results are magical and life-transforming. Your vibration rises, your energy increases, and your world changes!

Honor Your Daydreams

As a Life Coach, I guide clients through a growth process that allows them to get to the heart of what matters to them. Experiencing life from this place, we automatically redefine our world. How do we access the truth of what matters to us? One way is to honor our daydreams. Daydreams are those thoughts, fantasies, or dream-like images and musings that cross our minds repeatedly as we go about our daily activities. We all have them, sometimes many daily. Frequently, we think of these colorful ideas as interruptions to our train of thought, or as silly distractions interfering with what we have to do or where we have to go. Too often we ignore our daydreams. Unfortunately, what we then fail to appreciate are the soul-longings and soul-messages contained within each daydream. Daydreams are remnants of our essential self which we are being called upon to reclaim.

I encourage my clients to be very mindful and respectful of each passing daydream, to slow down and listen. For in simply noting and reflecting on each dream’s contents, we are gifted valuable information that can lead us back to ourselves, and to living happier, more satisfying lives. I believe we all know, deep inside of ourselves what we value, long for, and need. Yet amid the craziness of our busy days, at times feeling emotionally disconnected from ourselves, we can lose sight of what we value. Our daydreams, those flickering, quickly passing fantasies, if carefully considered, can lead us back to soul priorities.

Set an Intention

Another gateway to redefining our world is through the process of setting an intention. Specifically, by setting the intention to appreciate problems as gifts. Honoring difficult moments in this way offers opportunities for profound growth. Problems become circumstances ripe with possibility for adopting new perspectives, experiencing heart-expansions and bringing about personal change. But how do we manifest this kind of transformation?

First and foremost, we must be willing and committed to raising our consciousness. We raise our consciousness through shifting our reaction to, or our attitude about, problems and struggles. Instead of worrying or focusing on negative outcomes, we must seek the moment for growth within our moment of pain. If we are aligned, on a feeling level, with a sense of “What is possible here?” we will experience new, growth-enhancing ideas and information.

Raising our consciousness also involves strengthening our trust muscle. Responding to difficult situations from a position of trusting surrender to a higher power (be it God, the Universe, Source Energy or however we are comfortable imagining such) can bring a sense of freedom and strength to how we face each trial. If we harness the power of our thoughts, as well as the power of prayer, and believe that there are golden opportunities for growth embedded in disappointments or difficult times, our world cannot help but take on new definition! This is because we will be vibrating at a higher energetic level and will, therefore, draw to us higher experiences.

Confront Old Stories

Another key means of redefining one’s world is to look at what limiting beliefs or old stories you might be living from, and rewriting the script! We can have the best goals, plans or aspirations, however, if we are striving toward such while subconsciously believing we are “not good enough,” or “ineffective,” or “going to be rejected,” or any other number of negative tales we spin about ourselves, we quite likely will sabotage our endeavors. Unless the subconscious mind is addressed and altered, we are programmed to continue collecting evidence to support our false story or belief. We will get stuck, hit a wall, feel hopeless and act in dysfunctional ways. We then feel even further from our goals and living a life of purpose.

Worlds of possibility and life-affirming changes await individuals who take firm stands against the negative thoughts which perpetuate these crazy stories – stories we’ve often lugged along with us since childhood. Some of the most moving moments in my coaching practice occur when I’m able to help clients let go of the false beliefs they’ve been carrying and help them begin to live from the truth of who they are. This is when we step into and truly radiate our essence.

How does one stand up against these deeply entrenched negative beliefs that have come to feel like core truths about self? We must go back to honoring ourselves. And we do this first by committing to mindfully, and ferociously pushing back against any negative self-thoughts. For thoughts are just energy, and we can always change our energy! We must recognize that when we believe these stories about our lessor-than-great selves, we are then inclined to act from a lessor-than-great place, resulting in the perpetuation of “evidence” which affirms the negative belief. Instead of this unhelpful scenario, we are called upon to recognize the truth of who we are. And we must begin by embracing the fact that our core, our very essence, is golden and we are just fine! We must recognize our strengths and accept and appreciate ourselves from a loving place. Once we integrate these truths, how we act and show up in life changes dramatically for the better. We begin getting very different results. And our goals, plans, and dreams begin to flow fully into manifestations.

Create New Landscapes

Honoring ourselves means developing the skills to appreciate the significance of our day-dreams, to embrace a mindset that looks for growth opportunities embedded in difficult moments, and to dissolve negative beliefs and old stories. When we honor our inner life, we recreate our outer one. And we feel good about who we are! Feeling our personal power and significance, our world cannot help but take on new perspectives and definition.

With the holiday season soon upon us, a time of celebration and renewal, why not start it off by celebrating YOU! Honoring the relationship you have with yourself, in 3 key ways, I guarantee will set a festive and profoundly powerful tone for the rest of this special season, and into the new year ahead.

The first key to celebrating yourself is being committed to registering your experience by slowing down and noting your emotions, body sensations, thoughts, needs and desires. These elements of self buzz within all the time, yet how often do you blast right past this treasure chest of personal information? Celebrating yourself means mindfully valuing what is happening within sweet, wonderful, amazing YOU. Emphasis here is on the word valuing. Celebrating yourself means valuing the full range of your inner and outer experience, the shadow parts as well as the delicious aspects. We are typically masters at perceptively recognizing what others in our inner circles are going through….yet we so often neglect giving ourselves similar recognition. Begin this holiday season with a ferocious commitment to registering your experience….at all times.

Once you get used to registering your experience, you are primed for the second key to celebrating yourself – practicing self-compassion! Why not infuse the way you think about yourself with ever-present warmth and care? Compassion means sympathetic concern for the suffering of beings. You are one of those beings, and giving yourself the same empathy you would another, in any and all situations, is an essential way to celebrate yourself. Imagine the yummy feeling of being loved by someone who is important to you. Under this spell, you experience gratitude, appreciation, warmth, comfort, and a general feeling of well-being. Now imagine turning all those heartfelt emotions on yourself as you cherish and love the person you are. Imagine wrapping yourself in a sweet embrace. Soften into yourself. Wow! Magical, yes? And remember, the power is in the relationship

So, if you have diligently registered your experience, and practiced self-compassion as you embrace whatever the experience is… on to the third key for celebrating yourself. This key is to take who you are, in full authenticity, into the moment before you. Practice cultivating the ultimate in loving-kindness toward yourself while standing in your truth. Your energy will flow freely and powerfully. Embracing and expressing your true spirit is a grand way to celebrate yourself. You waste precious energy when you fake, back away from, or force your way of being. The world is always made better by the joyful expansion of the YOU that is manifesting each and every day. So celebrate yourself by fearlessly bringing the truth, the essence of who you are, into the present. Enjoy, for instance, feeling really good in your body, speak that thought you might otherwise hesitate to communicate, reach out and really hug that friend you deeply care about, but often get shy around. In other words, let your exquisite light shine bright this holiday season. This light will then guide you magnificently into the New Year ahead!

During late summer and into the fall of 2017, I was privileged to witness the exquisite light of my father’s indomitable spirit…juxtaposed to his body gradually giving way to death. And oh, how his light shined strong as he journeyed through his final days.

Throughout my entire life, I got to observe my beloved father as a man of deep faith and steadfast optimism. He was an individual who greatly thrived on his connections with people around him…family, friends, colleagues, and strangers alike. He loved finding meaningful ways to recognize, as well as to more deeply get to know, those in his inner circle. His belief in God, and in the inherent goodness of people, seemed to fuel his open, full-hearted, playful Italian spirit and easy-going manner.

Yet what I was blessed to be able to observe during the days leading up to his passing was something hard to fathom, and at the same time powerfully inspirational and magical. My father’s essence, his very spirit, seemed to remain untouched by the pain he was experiencing in his physical body. He suffered mightily, and it was brutal to watch. However, during his entire ordeal, he never complained. In fact, instead, he seemed determined to keep a positive, caring focus on those around him – the doctors, nurses and visiting family members – through various uniquely connecting, caring, playful ways.

My father was a force like no other! Even as his body, and eventually his mind, slowly failed him, he continued reaching out to all of us in ways that signaled that his strong faith-filled, jovial, loving spirit was impossible to subdue or defeat. His determination to keep his kindness-of-heart and optimism alive was powerfully evident in the repeated times he offered his signature thumbs up gesture after painful procedures, or physically or emotionally trying moments. In these times, he was clearly giving us a precious gift – the gift of hope and acceptance in the face of despair.

My father’s indomitable spirit guided him, and us, all the way to his peaceful passing in hospice on September 19, 2017. Perhaps most importantly, my father’s steadfastly optimistic spirit became his final way of touching and loving all of us. He gave us, through the example of how he faced his last days and hours, the blessing of knowing comfort and peace. My father’s way of facing his death let us know that the journey to wherever he was headed next was one he was ok with…and one we could be ok with too. Amen. And thumbs up to beautiful, incredible you, dad!

Francis L. Sylvester ~ Jan.7, 1925 – Sept.19, 2017

Finding sanctuary has evolved into an essential daily practice for me recently. Historically, the word sanctuary referred to a sacred place, or shrine. Shrines were viewed as havens, so by association, the term sanctuary refers to any place of safety or protection. By extension then, safety and protection can bring one to a deep place of inner calm.

I have been amazed at how many mini sanctuary-like moments I’ve been able to create for myself journeying through what has been an extremely emotionally tough month. The feelings of respite, peace and grace I’ve experienced have felt wonderful and transformative. I’ve found calming shelter in many lovely and unexpected moments and places.

The secret, I discovered, is to consciously recognize when you need to find sanctuary… and then do so. For when we intend it, so it is! Watching a bird feeding at the feeder just outside your window is a nice experience. It becomes a sanctuary moment when you tell yourself you are going to find respite here… when you consciously pause, really taking in the moment. I invite you to consider dosing your days with a bit of this magic.

Sweet sanctuary can be found, I’ve discovered, in so many aspects of life. For instance, you might enjoy really listening deeply and whole-heartedly to a piece of music, or take your daily walk, yet deem it special sanctuary time. You will be amazed at how exquisite the time then feels. Find sanctuary in the arms of your partner, in a creative pursuit, in savoring that first cup of coffee or tea, on a bike ride, or while digging in your garden. By deliberately letting yourself be sheltered in the sacredness of what might otherwise be experienced as ordinary pursuits, you will experience a haven of calm and feel delightfully refreshed. Let finding sanctuary become a regular practice, buffering you against the rougher edges of your days. Let me know what you discover!

“The power is in the relationship!” This is a truth that I frequently find myself sharing with parents of the many adolescents I coach. It is also one that I remind myself of to this day, even though my daughter is soon to be 21 years old. The quality of the relationship we have with our children, teens and adult children is the key to our ability to impact their lives, in the ways we desire and feel important. Simple and true. If you have cultivated a relationship of deep respect and appreciation for your child or children, they will more likely want to hear what you have to say. They will be more inclined to at least consider or reflect on what you believe is meaningful or important. The power is in the relationship, so give it your all in the multitude of little ways that add up to big results and strong connections.

Often we don’t appreciate our significance in the lives of those closest to us. The problem with not realizing your significance, is that it then becomes too easy to cut out, disengage, or detach yourself from those in your intimate circle. Not recognizing how significant you are to your children, partner, family members or dear friends leaves you open to hurting them in unconscious, mindless ways. The power is in the relationship. Circling back around, we must value ourselves and know we matter to others. Only then can we appreciate how others treasure interactions with us. Today, know you matter, and cultivate the power of this in your relationships!

“Stories of intimacy are in the details…the nuance of connection, the way fondness translates into a look, a nod, a smile…” ~ S. Freundlich-Hall

I love this quote. It reminds me to slow down as I connect with others. Amid the craziness of our hectic lives, how often do we blow past, discount, or fail to register the many little gestures that people make conveying tenderness, meaning, or significance? Can you let yourself notice and be touched by a simple act of kindness? Do you appreciate when a friend or loved one really, really looks at you as they engage? Do you let yourself value a moment when someone has gone out of their way for you. Feel that love. The stories of intimacy are in the details. The details matter.

Details offered by someone reveal a lot about their character, and about their capacity for what I call sacred communion. Sacred communion occurs when we intentionally connect in rich, meaningful ways that show another person deep care and respect. Sacred communion can be initiated with the simplest of gestures – putting your phone down, nodding gently in another’s direction, listening with full attention, going out of one’s way to do something nice for someone. Sacred communion can be initiated with a smile, loving touch, or a thoughtful pause that vibrates with fondness. The power we have is in our connection with others, and therefore the nuances of connection matter.

People register nuances all the time. Within seconds of meeting someone we begin processing all sorts of information about what we’re observing. We digest this information quickly to help us know what kind of emotional landscape we are traversing with another. We’re wired to want to keep ourselves safe. A distracted or disinterested glance in another direction signals something completely different that a gentle nod or smile. Let yourself become an expert at giving, and being open to receiving and registering, positive nuances of connection that matter. The stories of intimacy are in the details. Here’s to creating more beautiful ones.