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We Build Our Diamonds One Facet At A Time!

January 21, 2024 // by Maria Sylvester

Guessing you have experienced moments, rare though they may be, that capture your personal, unique definition of quintessential bliss. That perfect peak moment. The golden reality, for instance, of a the dream you have been carefully, tenderly cultivating, that finally lands….exploding magnificently before you and within you! A goosebump-yummy instant where you feel entirely embodied IN THE GLOW. That pinch-me moment. You feel born anew. Transformed.

In the exquisiteness of this instance, you find yourself effortlessly reveling in the magic of the experience. You feel -if only for a second or two- in complete harmony with something mystical. You feel vibrantly alive. It’s visceral -the energy you experience soaring through your body.

Dear Ones, picture it like this. All of our days, and each moment that fills them, are composed of multiple FACETS. Tiny moments that often don’t perhaps register as even significant at the time. Yet, these instances, when they come together in just the right energetic frequency, like sacred geometry, result in brilliantly intense experiences. Like facets of the diamond that direct light to the crown, the facets of your experience, preparation, and hard work coalesce into a sparkling peak moment. A CROWN moment. One that feels utterly transcendent. Where joy and elation dance together.

These magical instances stand out. Typically the memory of such is deep & lasting. We feel changed. Such landmark moments liken, for some, to a spiritual experience.

And as an added perk, when you recall the moment days, even months later, it comes back to you in similar form -filling your heart with glee. The remembering of a heightened experience can feel as intensely wonderful as it was at the time it occurred. The emotional memory has been safely, securely stored within your cells -like a cherished treasure one can bring forth every now and again for sweet pleasure. Reflecting on the moment in hIndsight can even intensify the bliss, as one appreciates the diamond-faceted experience from a new angle or vantage point.

I’m fascinated with these peak moments, especially because recently, I’ve been blessed by several euphoric ones of my own. They came with an almost overwhelming sense of an altered state of consciousness as core elements of a long pursued desire came into form.

In one example, my husband and I had deliberately crafted together, facet-upon-facet, pieces of our life so to be able to have an extended stay in Italy! Miraculously we were able to arrange our lives in such a way that we could work remotely there, while, at the same time, savoring all the pleasures possible from this beautiful and tranquil ancestral land ( -AKA my favorite place on the planet!).

That first morning of our month-long stay, sipping a perfectly-made cappuccino in a quaint neighborhood cafe, I felt, deep in my bones and spirit, all the elements of this fantasy crystalize into reality. It was such a powerfully moving experience realizing we were now living our dream. Sweet, warm tears of joy and gratitude flowed.

All the prior months of careful planning, saving, and orchestrating, as well as my ironclad belief in visioning and possibility (the light gathering facets), had merged into this moment (the sparkling crown). I felt myself radiantly expand, then freshly land. I was bringing to life -and living out- exactly what I coach my clients into creating for themselves. Specifically, I was living from the heart of what really mattered to me! I felt deeply fulfilled. I was joyously experiencing a rich, dynamic, personal growth spurt. I had evolved into a new version of myself.

Then of course, we must consider the “no pressure, no diamonds” truth. As you, dear reader, may well know, diamonds are formed by carbon being set under extreme pressure in the earth. Made up of billions of carbon atoms, most diamonds were formed between one and three billion years ago. Nature has given us quite the metaphor.

The process of building toward our dreams often mirrors the steps of diamond creation. Sometimes dreams and desires don’t crystalize without one first experiencing extraordinary pressure or emotional “heat”! There is typically a lot going on beneath the surface, and often for an extended period of time, prior to our precious dreams becoming reality. If one can remember this, and practice perseverance and patience, the unique facets of one’s desires will inevitably, eventually come together and assume that beautiful diamond shape.

The pressure can come anywhere, anytime. Even when in the full bliss of one crown moment, pressure can erupt to start the next transformation! My personal example of this process came halfway through our adventure in Italy, during what I thought was a time for me to exclusively sparkle. In an instant I found myself under what felt like a mountain of heat and pressure. I slipped and fell on a slick, wet sidewalk, breaking my wrist. My right wrist, at that, notes this right-handed author. Ouch.

Yet in spite of the pain, sadness, and frustration I felt navigating this unexpected trauma -from the ambulance ride to the hospital, to the excruciating pain of setting of the bone without drugs, something magical evolved. It was then that a very important facet -my beloved husband- channeled his light and polish in an entirely new way. This incredible human supported me every step of the journey…and then some. I got to see him shine in ways I had never witnessed previously.

I also got to experience us synergistically sparkling together as we navigated new terrain with my compromised body part. We each felt individual emotional stressors that came with this unexpected bone break. Yet together, we got to see ourselves craft unique facets of love, compassion, care, and support for each other as we traversed our way through this surprise event in the midst of our Italian dream holiday.

Something magnificently new surfaces and comes alive within during pressure moments. Something brilliantly real evolves, leaving you transformed. One often feels freshly, powerfully appreciative. And elevated. Regardless of whether the experience was brought about by simple activities or complex, intense ones, deeply moving feelings are felt either way. Your normal threshold for joy is surpassed and expanded. The instant is generative. Your fullest potential is expressed in the crown moment. Your divine design manifested.

So, dear reader, consider the different dimensions of your life like facets of a diamond coming together to form heightened moments of bliss. As we navigate the multi-faceted aspects of our lives, we don’t often know where we’ll be led or land. Yet I believe most of us strive for the best -being the best we can, doing the best we can, loving the best we can. If we infuse the dimensions we travel in and between with intentionality and earnest good will, we can’t but help find ourselves landing treasured crown moments now and again. Moments when we feel ecstatically like it’s all been worth it! So go get you dazzle on. Time to feel into your greatest, radiant aliveness!

Feasting On Words!

July 9, 2022 // by Maria Sylvester

As much as I love enjoying delicious food, I cherish the joy of savoring words even more. Words, both written and spoken, have the power to lead us into rich sensory experiences, bringing a raw energy that reverberates long after we devour them. Words can be mighty, leaving flavorful legacies and hallmark aromas that can take our imagination and joy to that next level. Words, the beautiful ingredients we use to communicate, have the capacity to be cherished for a lifetime.

Just like delicious comfort food, words can nourish us, or tickle our taste buds. I often feel a coziness deep in my bones when my eyes gaze upon words like “welcome,” or “wondrous,” or “woman!” Some words are tantalizing; some bring distinct scents to mind. Imagine, for example, the pleasant smell of “lemon-infused olive oil” or “fresh- picked basil.” Or the suggestion of a “goddess” afternoon soak in a “rich, warm, and luscious” lavender-infused bubble bath. Intoxicating!

The Energy of Words

Words hold energy. Words hold power. It’s crucial to be aware of this. Be mindful when writing or speaking, and select your words carefully. They contain energy capable of healing, hurting, humbling, shocking, helping, or uplifting others. Words, in other words (ha!), can deeply move us in both heart and mind. Additionally, the energy of certain words can cause echoes and reverberations, good or bad, harsh or gentle, near or far. So, dear friend, stay conscious. Write and speak with intention. Calibrate your words to have the effect that you desire. Appreciate the fact that your words have an impact, for better or worse. This is the lusciousness of language!

Words Can Expand Our Experience

Particular words instantly make us feel, think, see, or hear things differently. Attending to certain words can help change our emotional state. For example, if I’m preparing to attend an event and I’m feeling a bit anxious beforehand, I might pick a key word to organize my thoughts around. Staying emotionally centered on a word such as “ease” or “joy” helps me begin to embody that state. Concentrating my focus on these terms and states of being is more empowering than flailing around in the buzz of free-floating anxiety. This is just one of many ways you might use words to help uniquely craft your experience.

Declaring something with authority and conviction is another way to curate your reality through the use of language. Speaking your desires out loud paves the way to bringing them into existence. Taking full ownership of our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and words can be transformative and life-changing.

Words are equally mighty tools for helping you capture your experience. Clarity in your words helps others understand you, which directly impacts your experience. The scope of our ability to choose our words and be conscious of how we use them is profound. Choose words that are significant to you. Choose words that matter. Embrace them. You have the capacity to take what is within you and bring it forward in the form of written or spoken words. Talk about magnificence!

Think about a time, for example, when you structured your thoughts in a journal. This creative writing, you later discovered, helped bring your dream to fruition. The written word can manifest through the power of intention. My upcoming trip to Italy, the land that holds my heart, came into existence, in part, through the act of my putting pen to paper. How magical!

Be a Master of Your Words

We all have, I believe, a response-ability when it comes to words. Our tongues are capable of flying in many directions. Stop, think, and feel before you speak. Take reflective, responsive charge of your energy. Remain awake, aware, and inclined toward thoughtful consideration when communicating. Deliberate care is called for. Kind words, for example, can be a transformative force in the world. One kind word can change everything for someone. Imagine focusing there.

Be ever-committed to upgrading your operating system! Stay conscious of picking the right words for each moment or situation. Why not? It feels good! Your words can change moods. Can lift spirits. Can touch souls. Let your speech be pure and wholesome.

And of course, be prepared to edit or delete that which does not serve your highest communication intentions. Let your language be an exquisite, creative banquet of your unique expression, care, and desire to manifest new potentialities. Let what emerges from your mind or lips serve the greater good. Refrain from merely mundane statements or ones that leave a bad taste in your, or another’s, mouth. Speak or write in the direction of your longings and dreams. Let your language help move you, and others, forward in positive ways. Let your soul feast on all of these possibilities.

This article was also published in The Brick Magazine.

Your Midlife Mojo!

May 6, 2022 // by Maria Sylvester

“She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”

~Unknown

Midlife has me living as though there will never be enough time! I have a new wildness to my spirit, and a fire in my belly. I’m in eager anticipation for all the chapters I’ve yet to live. My midlife mojo is definitely fierce and feisty. I’m embracing each and every dance step already mastered, letting these guide me gracefully forward.

If you are here reading this, I’m guessing you get it. You know this period in life can be experienced from a state of flow — of courageously staying tapped in to what you

have come to know and understand. There’s no need to push. Simply being you feels inspirational. You continue to grow. You appreciate that personal evolution occurs one aligned step at a time. And you are deeply grateful of the gift of your power to choose each and every one. Perhaps you’re intent on manifesting magnificence, and your very own unique midlife mojo pulls you gently in this direction.

If you are here reading this, I bet you’re a multi-dimensional woman dedicated to setting standards of excellence in, and for, your life. You know your inherent capacity to be magnetic. You long for, and are committed to, crafting full-blown poetic resonance between your desires and the active steps you’ll take to bring them to fruition.

Is This You?

Have fun with me here, reader! Let your imagination have full reign. A visionary midlife woman is ready to take her life to new, unprecedented heights! She is deeply committed to releasing all that no longer serves her in order to bring even more of her essence, talents, and genius forward. This woman’s personal renaissance and life-force are fueled by dynamically embracing her radiant, sensual, sexy, divine feminine energy and spirit. Could this be you?

Your Aspirations

Take it one step further now. A midlife magnificent woman lives fully-expressed and expansive in her life. She practices steadfast heart sovereignty. Her wingspan is vast, and she soars with grace, ease, and power. She has reclaimed and integrated lost, buried, or previously abandoned parts of herself, spinning these threads into a divinely golden masterpiece. Pleasure is her north star. She magnetically draws others toward her through her radiant state, her multifaceted, diamond-delicious lifestyle, and her compassionate and creative leadership. She feels complete and at peace, content while ever-curious, and open to what’s to come!

A Question That Captures Her Heart

The question that captures the heart of a renaissance-ready woman could very well be something like this: What if I could experience a rebirth where I felt even more vibrantly alive and awake to each exquisite moment? For me, my rebirth meant embracing my full potentiality; infinite possibilities were mine. I asked myself, what if I existed in a state of continuous flow, never having to push myself to feel motivated, rather pulled along by sparkling currents of inspiration? What if all that has been previously tangled up inside me was released, such that I experienced a sense of limitless expansion and joy? What if…?

Obstacles to Overcome Along the Way

You come to embody a powerful midlife mojo by first navigating various life challenges. Perhaps your nest has emptied, and you feel the heartache of loss. Yet, at the same time, you are know you are ready to re-feather your nest with new opportunities or flares of creativity and personal expression.

Maybe your career or work experiences have been so heavily weighted by masculine energies of thinking, strategizing, planning, and structuring that you feel weary, lost, and disconnected from yourself. You feel off-balanced. Your feminine energies — your deep-feeling capacities, sacred connection and communion, intuition, sensuality, and active surrender — may have gotten buried amidst the crazy quality of your days. You yearn for rest, a slower pace, and time for contemplation — a gentle re-weaving of all the precious parts of your essence.

In addition, perhaps you also sense inner obstacles holding you back, twisted up inside you. Maybe you’re stuck in an old subconscious story, or negative, false beliefs? Or you feel weighted down by people, situations, or things that no longer make your heart sing? You long to be re-enthused and re-inspired from the inside out. A midlife renaissance allows you to do just that.

Your Philosophical Stance

Your midlife mojo may include a drive to lean into a sacred calling — to let your life be an exquisite, grace-infused prayer. You may have a longing to give back, sharing your gifts with those in need. You realize there is ample opportunity to reinvent yourself — to fully embody and illuminate your emotional, spiritual, and intellectual world with new vitality and vigor. You have come to deeply appreciate, with the wisdom of years lived, that it really is possible to exist in fun, adventurous, and (on some days) in a blissful state — one of limitless rapture and joy.

Calling Yourself to Action

The whispers of time, that ever-present awareness that you don’t have forever, summon your courage — the courage to drop all pretenses and over-protective coping mechanisms. You no longer feel compelled to scrutinize your every move. There’s no need to obsess over flaws or what you’ve deemed personal short-comings. You feel far less worried or concerned about what others may think. You can listen to others’ opinions, yet feel no compulsion to abide if they don’t resonate with your beliefs. Sometimes, frankly, you just don’t give a damn. You know that mutual, absolute understandings are rare. Yet even without that, you recognize that we can all get along pretty well together.

Embracing your midlife mojo fills you with clarity and confidence. It’s exhilarating to daringly let your authentic self romp freely. It’s a sweet kind of “letting go” energy. You now know, in the depths of your being, that you are worthy of rich love, connection, and belonging. You count your blessings, appreciating them all. Your heart feels, hopefully most of the time, happy and content. You love each moment before you!

Future Self

You’ve landed, and landed well. And from this vantage point, you eagerly anticipate what’s ahead. There is so much more to do, explore, and feel into.You celebrate your accomplishments, wisdom, and naturally-inherited goodness. You’ve reclaimed all of the aspects of your sweet self you previously abandoned.

Most importantly, the key place you might now especially consider organizing around, and moving from, is your heart. Let it be your midlife mojo superpower — the heart has been found have an electromagnetic field 5,000 times greater than the brain! So harmonize all aspects of your functioning from your beautiful heart-center, radiating outward. Meet the world with as open a heart as you can offer. From there, let yourself feel exquisitely whole, beautiful, and free. Embrace complete self-acceptance. Rest peacefully there. Until, of course, your midlife mojo summons your heart in a new direction!

This article was also published in The Brick Magazine.

Fresh Starts and New Beginnings

April 5, 2022 // by Maria Sylvester

2022 has been upon us for a few months, and now we begin to welcome spring. The simple forward turning of clock hands comes with an opportunity for a brilliant turn of mind or heart.

Time for your fresh start, your new beginning! Heck, why not just let the beautiful dawn break you wide open? Let this year be your playground for massive personal expansion. Rather than asking what the coming months will bring, stand with conviction for what you will bring to your year!

Actually, at any moment, one can opt to start fresh or begin again. Mini-rebirths are always possible. You can take a different path, a next step. You can edit or delete what you mistakenly just said the second before. You can cancel out that negative self-talk. You can course-correct. You can change it up. Remember to flex these muscles, my friend.

At the same time, it’s the official ringing-in of spring that can anchor fresh starts in big ways. Possibilities are endless for crisp new challenges and opportunities. We simply need to choose. It’s this reality — our capacity for conscious thought, conscious decision-making, and our ability to control or alter the thoughts we opt to think — that make us truly miraculous beings.

So remember this fact this month. That’s likely when the doldrums might hit — when, perhaps, you suddenly realize you’ve fallen off course from those delicious intentions you set while toasting in the new year. Simply shift back into your lane of choice!

Rejuvenation

For me, this time of year also signals a time of rejuvenation where I can ask myself, how might I bring new vigor and vitality to my life or my dreams? Checking in with yourself about what you wish to restore or renew in your life can be a powerful inquiry. Fresh perspectives and opportunities will likely bubble up, leaving you inspired and stimulated. One can easily get stuck when not allowing time for rest and renewal.

Recently, when I dared to question myself on this topic of rejuvenation, I discovered a curious urge to open to my wildness. I let this part of me, rather than a more careful, deliberate style of existence, guide me into something outrageously exciting. I spontaneously booked a trip to Italy — land of my ancestors and true home of my heart — for myself and my family. A big, wild step for me, indeed, especially as the Covid-cautious soul that I’ve been. Yet wildness, and specifically a wild essence, to me, equates with pure freedom and joy — exuberantly opening to, and exploring, new realms. And so it shall be. Dolce vita!

Letting the onset of a new year prompt you into embracing an aspect of yourself otherwise ignored, pushed down, or kept tucked away can be super empowering — not to mention fun! I strongly recommend considering what part of yourself you might intentionally bring out of hiding in 2022. Just do it. Then nourish and nurture whatever aspect you choose, and watch in wonderment as your life transforms in unique, unexpected, magnificent ways.

Devotion

Spring beckons me into greater devotion — devotion to my said cause, purpose, and desires. I’m called to be loyal to, and enthusiastic toward, that which I have deemed of highest significance in my life. This includes my inner circle of beloved peeps, my life’s work as a coach, my dedication to my clients, and my deep desire for a life filled with pleasure and rich meaning.

By intentionally embodying the power of devotion to that which I treasure, my life itself becomes a living, breathing prayer. Cherishing the elements of my existence that feel most relevant, I can’t help but sprinkle them with the holy waters of daily worship, observance, love, thanksgiving, and praise. To my delight and discovery, everything that matters to me becomes even more elevated and energized when I practice the art of devotion.

I invite you to try this strategy out yourself, dear reader. Experiment with infusing your new year’s intentions with a commitment to stay devoted to those choices. I promise you that any burdens you might have felt when striving to carry your desires forward will lift. Instead, you will feel much greater ease and grace as you birth that which you’ve longed for.

Honor the Balance Between Desires and Beliefs

But what if, come mid-year, you notice that what you’ve desired or asked for doesn’t seem to be manifesting? First, stay curious. Next, I recommend you check in with yourself around the struggle. Notice what you are doing or not doing. Consider what negative belief or old story you might need to release in order to call in the jewels you are seeking. Or, on the other hand, perhaps you are choking off something that you might otherwise wish to let in. Where are you putting up subconscious barriers? How open are you to letting goodness and infinite possibilities flow in your life?

I invite you to infuse your new year with this kind of conscious, compassionate, openly-curious inquiry. Take regular pauses. Regularly contemplate the dynamics of your personal voyage. Ponder and highly respect your inner as well as outward state. Honor and celebrate the genius that is you. Trust yourself there. Trust the authority of your heart.

Start with the End in Mind

Life is one winding, ever-unfolding path. There are unimaginable delights, as well as sorrows, we all encounter along the journey. Your energetic vibration as you move through your days contributes to the types of moments that will appear before you. By this I mean that if you strive to embody uplifting states, this emotional reality will light your path well. If, on the other hand, you repeatedly find yourself dropping down into and getting stuck in states such as disappointment, despair, frustration, or anger, you’ll most likely experience a more dimly-lit path and miss seeing important treasures and gifts along the way.

So be deliberate in what you ask for, and be deliberate in how you energetically walk your path. This will impact, in a most favorable way, where you arrive. For instance, if you desire and remain awake to love, I believe you can’t help but witness its fruition in the end.

So for this spring season and the remaining year, what outcomes might you divinely design for? What north star will you focus on? It’s time to have that star brilliantly light up your night sky, time to live radiantly under its glow.

This article was also in the April 2022 publication of The Brick Magazine.

Honoring The Light of Inspiration & Intuition

April 5, 2022 // by Maria Sylvester

I created my life coaching practice the same way I’ve done just about everything in my life: by trusting my intuition and taking one inspired step after the next.

I embrace and navigate these steps, never quite knowing where they will lead, yet fully confident that if I trust myself and honor my heart, intuitive nudges, and inner wisdom, I’ll land well. I’m delighted to say that establishing my coaching practice, starting my Midlife Magnificence Programs for women, and founding Ann Arbor’s Life Empowerment Coaching & Healing Arts Center have felt like intoxicatingly blissful landings thus far.

Even as a very young child, I was intrigued and fascinated by people. I sensed that there was always more going on behind each and every gesture, comment, or expression. I was mesmerized by the myriad ways people connect and communicate (or don’t!). My veracious curiosity first drove me to take personal development courses in high school, then led to my undergraduate degree in psychology and a Master of Social Work degree program from the University of Michigan, and then to my coaching certification through the International Coach Academy.

My career as an inpatient and outpatient therapist for adolescents, adults, and couples lasted for 25 years, until life challenges called me toward a new and extremely exciting direction.

Challenges Open Opportunities

Prior to my work as a therapist and life coach, I had also experienced my own personal therapy journey. Severe depression and anxiety haunted me at certain points in my life. Hard and frequently painful, yet eye-opening, sessions in therapy helped me better cope with and alleviate distressing symptoms, but I was far from complete.

What led and inspired me to pursue a now 15-year coaching career was the powerful realization that feeling emotionally well did not automatically result in living a life I loved. A healthy mind does not necessarily lead directly to a sense of inner joy or peace. You can have all the insight in the world, but unless you take action with that insight, transformations will not occur.

This realization, to me, is the biggest distinction between therapy and coaching. Therapy helps you deeply understand your life. Coaching helps you take action and transform your life based on those understandings!

From Queen of Self-Abandonment to Queen of Self-Empowerment

My diamond-delicious life today, dear reader, is nothing like it use to be. I’m here before you as a vibrant queen of self-empowerment. I have a full-to-overflowing coaching practice, and an incredible second husband/life partner of six years. These years together have been ones of heart-opening intimacy and relationship expansion beyond my wildest dreams. Additionally, I have the blessing of a mutually rewarding and adventurous relationship with my 25-year-old daughter and her partner. In addition I have a dearly treasured circle of dear friends and family.

My empowerment has evolved through commitment to hours of mindfulness, meditation, a devotional prayer life, and investment in my own personal coaching. Perhaps most importantly, I’ve been disciplined in practicing what I’ve termed “Steadfast Heart-Sovereignty;” by this I mean I’ve taken a stand for and fully embody my core essence, energy, values, beliefs, and intuitive knowings.

However, before I was the queen all of this empowerment and good stuff, I was definitely the queen of self-abandonment. This latter title goes way back, beginning in childhood. I learned very early on that my survival (and my attachments to those I needed) demanded that I put myself and my feelings on a back shelf. This was because parts of my essence, which tended toward outrageous exuberance, proved (or so I perceived) threatening to my parents and to some of my friends. I grew up frequently feeling that I was too much, too headstrong, and way too emotional.

Reflections on Self-Abandonment

Sometimes, it just hits you — that pivotal moment when you know something has to change. For me, that moment occurred 15 years ago, tightly wrapped up in a full-blown panic attack. I realized in that instant, amid swirling lights, gasps for air, and a sudden falling to my knees, that my life was far from what I desired or would even deem good enough. In that flash, I let into my awareness that the marriage I was in left me feeling utterly and completely straight-jacketed. It was a feeling eerily similar to the experience I had growing up in my family.

Compromising ourselves, or hiding aspects of our being in an attempt to make relationships work, takes a tremendous amount of psychological energy. Not to mention that by doing so, we become inwardly inclined to then feel extremely empty, lonely, or bored — tell-tale signs of trouble! Once I realized that this was what I was doing in my marriage, and stopped doing so, I was blown away by how much new energy I had for other significant aspects of my life.

In the midst of the horror of my panic attack, I heard an equally powerful calling. It was essential, for the sake of my survival and for overall thriving, that I never again abandon vital parts of myself in an attempt to maintain an attachment to another. From that moment, I committed to living from the heart of all that truly mattered to me. I got a divorce, but I’m happy to say that my ex and I remain on good, friendly terms. Hence one sad and sorry crown was out, and one sparkly, dazzling one was now on my head!

Reclamation of Queendom in Midlife

I started to make amends to my lost, abandoned self and reclaimed her — every ounce and every facet of her being. I promised to never again sacrifice who I was, what I felt, or what I believed in for the sake of maintaining a connection with someone, especially someone unable to value or appreciate me in all my raw glory.

This process of reclamation occurred rapidly once I put my stake in the ground, declaring and decreeing my full sovereignty, presence, and power. That crown was glistening. My midlife experience shifted from one of messy mediocrity to that of pure magnificence. Our words, and our commitment to ourselves, matter. They become the springboard to all that we then manifest.

It was, and still is, from this place of divine and purposeful living that I stepped into a new mission: a commitment to uplift and empower women in midlife! I love, and have become quite masterful at, supporting queens in reclaiming their sacred essence and embracing their sensual, sexy energy and power. Rediscovering one’s inner gold never felt so good!

Crafting a Midlife Manifesto

Let me close this article with a welcoming call to action for my latest offering — a personal invitation to a high-level intimate group coaching experience for visionary women. If you desire to elevate yourself and your life to even more luxurious heights, do check out the link at the end of this article.

Before you is a wonderful opportunity to weave all the unique elements of your existence into a golden tapestry. This is your precious time on the planet — time to stop screwing around! Each and every moment matters immensely. It’s time to hand-craft your own personal manifesto, to decree and declare all that you stand for as your days unfold.

You’ve already lived a thousand lifetimes filled with dynamic experiences. You’ve traveled many paths and weathered numerous challenges to get to this point in time. Yet, something may be holding you back. Perhaps you feel exhausted or disconnected from yourself after constantly giving to others. Maybe you feel weighed down by people, situations, or things that no longer make your heart sing. Or perhaps you’re reluctant to unleash that full majestic power and radiance, afraid that others will feel threatened, jealous, or will judge you harshly.

Here’s what I know: by exercising your will and very deliberately committing to that which you value, you bring those treasures into the light. You unearth your full magnificent power. So, if you’re determined to prioritize bringing all the crucial elements of your inner and outer world into grand focus — to harness that inner gold — let me be your guide!

I’ll support you along with an intimate group of other dedicated women in a super impactful eight-week online coaching experience beginning March 10th. Using impactful techniques, my transformational magic, and the wisdom of the sistermind, you can craft an individualized manifesto. It will become your north star for how you want to live out the rest of your diamond-studded days on this glorious earth. I’ll meet you there!

This article was also published as the March 2022 Cover Story in The Brick Magazine.

Intimate Relationships: 3 Keys to a Pleasure-infused Reboot!

February 10, 2022 // by Maria Sylvester

Let’s talk about love! Even the best intimate relationships can benefit from a reboot every now and again. Within my marriage, comfort, confidence, and joy happen most easily when I visualize my husband and myself from an “ever-evolving” perspective. Together, I frequently remind myself, we are in the process of cultivating an even more delicious, heart-expansive, empowered partnership.

The key here is the concept of in the process, for when we are in the process of something we are always growing. There’s plenty of room for imperfections because it’s a process. Being in a process is about being in the state of possibility — keeping infinite possibilities open!

Seeing our relationship as an ongoing work-in-progress serves to keep us pleasurably in the game. We’re more able to stay dedicated to our growth as a couple. We consistently and deliberately put forth effort for the good of the relationship. A marriage — or any relationship, actually — is built and maintained simply by stringing moment after moment together. How’s that for keeping it simple?

My husband and I are a perfectly imperfect duo, enjoying a great (although sometimes bumpy) ride through our days together. Below, I’ll share a few ingredients that compose our secret success sauce. Perhaps you can add our recipe to what you and your favorite person are already doing. When those embers cool, fresh air, new ideas, and creative juices help make sparks of passion and pleasure fly again.

Of course, do remember that the tools and strategies I’m about to outline can be beautifully applied to all relationships — your relationship with yourself, a friend, a child, or other family members. Reboots are valuable across the spectrum and can powerfully enhance any and all connections.

Trust Fuels the Treasures

For me, the number one ingredient for a rich, intimate connection is trust. Cultivating trust is key; it’s a conduit through which love can flourish and flow. First and foremost is the healthy development of one’s personal trust muscle. It’s an inside job. This trust is fueled by respect — self-respect, and then respect of the other.

Do you, for instance, respect yourself enough to keep your word with yourself? Do you do what you tell yourself you’re going to do? Are you a safe haven for yourself? In times of distress, can you gently soothe yourself by thinking, “Sweetheart, you’ve got this!” Only after you’re able to consistently honor and trust yourself will you be able to show up in a similar fashion for a beloved. Trustworthiness grows from sustained self-mastery.

Just as it’s been said that we can only love another to the degree we love ourselves, so I believe we can only trust another to the degree we can trust ourselves. Next comes a sort of tranquility. Both parties can trust that the other is tuned in and consciously motivated in the direction of what’s best for the relationship. Deep trust in each other is, to me, at the heart of what we so crave in partnership (and in all our relationships, really). Experiencing trust allows us to feel like we’ve come safely home.

Consider Core Needs

Many factors bring people together — physical proximity, chemistry, a desire for comfort, or a wish for deep commitment. Connection is also fostered by the desire to have basic human needs met. We have a need to feel safe or certain, a need for variety, a need to feel significant, and a need for love. Additionally, we have needs around developing our spirit, namely the need for growth and the need to feel we can contribute to the world at large.

A quick way to reboot or super-charge any intimate relationship is to contemplate what need your beloved is expressing. The expression of needs, however, often happens undercover. Mindful, compassionate detective work is frequently necessary to bring your partner’s longings into the light of day.

Sadly, people more often then not hide (even from themselves) the expression of a basic need under layers of disguised conversational or behavioral wrappings. For instance, one might long to be recognized as significant in having the ability to masterfully juggle multiple household tasks. Yet what this individual might actually communicate to their partner is a long list of complaints about all they had to do on a given day. A compassionate partner, listening for the hidden need in the conversation, will lovingly “unwrap” the confusing packaging, recognizing and celebrating their beloved’s significance. Rather than being put off by the complaints, strengths are seen and appreciated. Conflicts, compassionately handled, can actually deepen intimacy.

And voila! Relationship tensions melt away when the focus is on listening for the need behind what’s being expressed. My husband and I have spared ourselves countless arguments and misunderstandings by zeroing in on the longings hidden behind the gobbledegook! Magic happens when you can experience yourself as a partner (or friend or colleague) capable of drawing deeper desires or unexpressed needs into the light.

Create Space for Love

It seems like the act of creating time and space for love should go without saying. Not true! As a life and relationship coach, I witness numerous examples of individuals and couples running themselves into the ground with busyness and non-gratifying preoccupations. Little space is left for what they deem most important in their lives.

Creating time and space for love takes committed, deliberate intention and action. It’s about being deeply appreciative of each other’s presence, and verbally communicating such. It’s about watching, mindfully, for opportunities to meaningfully honor and celebrate the other’s existence!

This kind of care-infused noticing happens, and can feel extremely nourishing to both parties, when one can really slow down. The pressures of life and scheduling crunches that naturally occur in any given day can rob you of time with each other. Yet never forget, dear friends, how love’s passion can also transform time. When we can slow down and create an opening for love, for being with our “person,” we free ourselves from the tyranny of time. Simply being present heightens the present of presence!

So gift yourself the pleasure of meaningfully attending to your beloved, and request the same from them in return. Waste not another second. Experience them with all your senses; look lovingly, listen carefully, touch gently, savor scents, and taste the deliciousness of their true presence before you. Feel the compassion rise in your heart.

Experience the joy of sacred communion and connection. Keep showing up. Show up with courage, care, humility, energy, compassion, playfulness, and pleasure-filled time. Experience the freedom and pleasure of loving without restraints. Now that’s quite a reboot, hm?

This article was also published in The Brick Magazine.

Listen To Your Daydreams!

December 7, 2021 // by Maria Sylvester

If you’re desiring a quick trick to manifest your heart’s longings — to live what really matters to you — read on! The secret is contained in your daydreams, my friend. Daydreams are those thoughts, fantasies, or dream-like images and musings that cross our minds repeatedly as we go about our daily activities.

All too frequently, we view these colorful ideas as interruptions to our train of thought. We write off our daydreams as silly distractions interfering with what we have to do. Often, we flat-out ignore our daydreams. Bad idea — they reveal rich, intuitive wisdom.

Our daydreams take many forms. They can be elaborate stories you weave for yourself, or a song you keep hearing in your mind. Or maybe you have recurring simple images you can’t shake, like seeing yourself riding in a convertible with the top down and the wind wildly blowing your hair. Always be on the lookout for daydreams popping up in multiple creative ways!

Be Ever-Mindful

Your daydreams are the remnants of your essential self that you’re being called upon to reclaim. Listen carefully to these soul-whispers and the crucial messages they contain. Each and every element of your daydreams reveal a treasure worthy of being mined — worthy of being contemplated.

I always encourage my coaching clients to be very appreciative and respectful of each passing daydream, to slow down and listen. In simply noting and reflecting on the dream’s content, you’re gifted valuable information that can lead you back home to yourself and to a happier, more satisfying life.

From Disconnection to Integration

I believe we all know, at our core, what we value, long for, and need. Yet amid the craziness of our action-packed, fast-moving, busy lives — filled-to-overflowing with more doing than feeling — we can become emotionally disconnected from ourselves. We end up feeling frazzled and unmoored from our truth. We become off-centered.

It’s our daydreams, those flickering, quickly passing images, thoughts, and fantasies, that if carefully considered, can lead us back to our souls’ priorities. So gather up those festive details, trusting that if you follow the bread-crumb-laden path, you’ll be well on your way to the integration of your authentic energy, spirit, and life force.

Personal Example

These ideas I’ve just mentioned may be best understood by sharing a personal example. Right after my first husband and I decided to consciously uncouple, and officially committed to do so, I started having a really elaborate daydream. This little fantasy would pop into my mind all. The. Time. Non-stop. It was wild. I couldn’t resist paying attention to it. I also spent a lot of time considering what it was trying to tell me.

The daydream placed me in Italy, wearing a lovely, sexy, red silk sundress. In the dream I’m strolling, early-evening, through cobblestone streets until I stumble upon a quiet, romantic little courtyard café. I sit down at a tiny table for two. Feeling relaxed, beautiful, luxurious, and completely enchanted by the setting — including the canopy of sparkling lights over head — I order a glass of red wine. Within minutes it arrives, along with a gorgeous, tall, dark, handsome-as-hell Italian gentleman. He extends his hand lovingly, asking me to slow dance with him to the beautiful music being played by a string quartet in the corner of the restaurant. We dance, moving sensually and deliciously close together for a long time. The daydream continues on in wonderful ways that, for the sake of this writing, I’m going to leave to your imagination!

Awakened Insights

Realizing that I was having a repetitive daydream that wasn’t going away, I spent time contemplating each and every element contained within it. I realized that intuitively, this daydream was elegantly calling me to step back into my feminine energy and power. Now this was notable, because one reason my husband and I decided to divorce (and the main reason for me) related to a behavioral pattern from which I seemed unable to extricate myself. Specifically, in our years-long relationship dance, I was the main organizer, planner, strategizer, goal-setter, and plain-old “doer” in the partnership. In other words, for us to function as a couple, I felt I had to suppress a more sensual part of myself.

In this union, the way our dynamics worked, it felt near-impossible for me to lean back, to actively surrender and feel cared for, cherished, and supported. I longed to do less and feel more. Yet, I had become completely disconnected from this feminine energy.

It really should’ve come as no surprise, then, that the minute my husband and I decided to free ourselves from our marital partnership, the possibility of re-embracing my feminine energy would surface in the form of a magnificent, fun daydream.

It was a daydream set in a place I’d always longed to visit — the land of my ancestors — in the context of a relationship dance that would help me literally and figuratively find my proper balance and footing! I desired to feel seen, sought after, and lovingly connected with. The daydream exquisitely laid out for me my next steps. Thank heavens I paid attention!

From Insight to Manifestation

I’m delighted to report that after several years of deliberately heeding the wisdom of that daydream, I slowly but surely reclaimed my radiant, sensual, sexy, feminine presence. And the best part: I called in a tall, bald, and handsome beloved who is now my husband and soulmate.

Together, we actually did journey to Italy, and we shared the adventure of a lifetime! It was a first visit for both of us. We reveled in the beauty and sensualness of a country ripe with olives, incredible marble statues, ancient churches, mosaics, brilliant seas, fuchsia flowers, and oh, those cappuccinos. Not to mention the incredible Amalfi Coast!

And yet, it was in a quiet little Italian café, sharing red wine and pasta, gazing across at my love, that I wept, my heart feeling so, so full. In that simple yet profound moment, I realized I had brought my daydream to life — only it was ten times better than I had imagined.

And so, my friend, let this little tale inspire you to notice and attend to each and every daydream you find yourself in. Listen carefully. Intuitive guidance awaits you there — and maybe even your own adventure of a lifetime!

Article is also published in The Brick Magazine!

Community as Balm!

November 6, 2021 // by Maria Sylvester

The powerful energy of community has saved me during these challenging times. Perhaps it has for you as well?

What a blessing, the many forms of belonging I’ve recently had the privilege to experience — from rich professional and neighborhood rendezvous to the online Midlife Magnificence Facebook group I created, I’ve managed to relish the soothing, satisfying balm of us humans meaningfully coming together. They’ve been times richly-laden with the sharing of stories, struggles, support, and successes. Miraculous things have occurred during these beautiful, simple moments of connection.

Author Brene Brown once shared a story about a village where all the women would go down to the river to wash clothes together. When they all got washing machines, there was an outbreak of depression because of the absence of doing things together. It was the absence of community.

I believe in the magic of community, and the cozy comfort it offers, as an experience worth pursuing in as many forms as possible. Community matters, especially as we navigate times of increased isolation, because these times can also merge into periods of acute loneliness. We are wired for connection. We long to belong. When we have such, we are all the better for it. Our hearts, minds, and souls are fed. This is because thriving happens in community. We feel seen, heard, and understood.

Perhaps too frequently, our desire to feel like a valuable part of a group remains unconscious until we find our special community. Experiencing this ignites awareness of how much we’ve missed and needed it. We discover with great delight the personal impact of being part of a group. There’s truly nothing better than the energy of inclusion and of developing meaningful relationships.

Communing for Pleasure

I’m writing this piece the morning after a deeply satisfying evening spent on my front porch with two of my neighbors. As a sweet little community of three, we communed for four delicious, heart-opening hours. We were three vibrant, interesting, visionary women of different ages and backgrounds brought together, in part, because our houses rest side-by-side.

Yet, living on the same street is only one small aspect of what brought us together and super- charged our conversation. Wine and treats were the backdrop, yes. However, it was our curiosity of spirit and openness to listen, share, and learn from each other that really juiced me up. In other words, one valuable aspect of allowing oneself to experience community is the pleasure of personal expansion it brings each participant. To feel and be felt in relationship with others is no small thing!

Community with Purpose

During these turbulent times we are living through, the opportunity to be part of a group experience organized around a given topic or specific purpose is a deeply empowering example of community. Anchoring oneself amidst a gathering of like-minded souls is a great way to describe the entrepreneurial mastermind group I’ve enjoyed this past year. Imagine it: ten powerful, spiritually-centered female business leaders from all over the USA virtually coming together every week for an entire year. We’re women committed to up-leveling and growing our practices. Talk about being incredibly inspired and supported!

I must additionally mention the sweet joy and generosity of spirit I experienced while being part of this team of dedicated, professional goddesses. We truly got to know each other. We shared business aspirations. We cheered and celebrated each other every step of the way — every little win or courageous personal stretch recognized and appreciated.

The work momentum that was created, especially during days when the isolation of COVID-19 realities kept us physically apart, was truly invaluable. We profoundly impacted each others’ lives as we shared our expertise and business wisdom. We had many laughs and great fun, too, in the process of furthering careers.

Here’s a special shout-out of appreciation here to our Femme Genius Mastermind leader, Carla Samson, who was brilliantly instrumental in creating our group and guiding us ever-forward in our growth. Sometimes a community evolves from the desire one individual has to call others of similar mindset together.

And as icing on the cake, our little group was finally able to come together in person at a summer retreat to mark the close of our year-long partnership. What an absolute joy to meet off-screen at a beautiful cottage on a lake in Brooklyn, MI. We savored a long weekend playing together while also masterminding on our businesses. Pleasures included meditation and movement practices, delicious food, paddle boarding, swimming, a long walk, movie-watching, a beginner’s rapping lesson, time in the sauna, and toasting with glasses of prosecco while watching the sunset. Community at its finest!

Community for Support

I can’t resist also mentioning here a Facebook community — my Midlife Magnificence Group — I started a year ago. I had a deep desire for women like myself to have a place to come together and share notes on this unique time in our lives. I believe that we discover more about ourselves when we vulnerably and courageously share personal realities and stories.

In this group, I offer posts to facilitate discussions and wisdom about midlife. The group members share posts, thoughts, and feelings too. Together we make our way, supporting each other to dare greatly during this precious time in our lives. We cheer each other on, and commiserate when necessary. Most importantly, we remind each other of all that’s yet to come. We nudge each other toward dreams yet realized, toward standing powerful and radiant in our full magnificence. For there is still so much more music ready to be played inside each of us!

So Many Needs Met

We are not meant to go it alone, dear ones! Time spent in community is time well spent. The experience of community is an opportunity to have some of our most essential needs met. Our need for love, support, encouragement, recognition, and fun is part of coming together. We ache to be seen, heard, and to feel we belong. We need to let ourselves have this pleasure tenfold, this pleasurable balm of community!

This article was also published in The Brick Magazine.

The Pandemic Opens Portals of Clarity

October 12, 2021 // by Maria Sylvester

Dear reader: If I were to guess, I’d bet that the experience of the pandemic has shed new light some aspect of your one truly precious life. It’s a present worth unpacking. Let me untie the ribbons of this unexpected gift for you here.

Clarity is, by definition, “the quality or state of being clear.” Clarity is the direct manifestation of our being in full alignment with ourselves. It’s the result of a lot of momentum with no resistance. To me, clarity signifies inspired right action following deep reflection. Gaining clarity is like being carried by a gentle flow downstream. There’s absolutely no current to fight. The feeling of certainty lights you up from the inside out.

Slowed Time Brings Refinement

Navigating the pandemic has been a multifaceted experience, to say the least. And for many of us, it has included a gradual slowing of time. This occurred naturally as restrictions kept us closer to home, enabling us to take pause from our worldly routines.

For me, slowed time presents an opportunity to clear out the clutter of my heart and mind — the perfect pause, a time for reflection. Slowing down brings peace, order, and focus. I’m able to reconnect with myself.

Within the gift of spaciousness these COVID-times offered, perhaps you’ve contemplated what feels especially meaningful and good. Maybe you zeroed in on specific desires or new pursuits of interest. Most likely, refinement in one or another area of your life has been the result. Chances are you’re living more connected to the heart of what truly matters to you.

COVID has indeed been our teacher. The lessons offered have resulted in individuals adopting new habits, rituals, and rhythms in their life. New learnings open us to greater consciousness. With this awareness, we become even more compelled to explore fresh paths and new ways of being.

As the ever-curious soul that I am, I’ve enjoyed asking many in my social circle what realizations living through the past year and a half has brought into their lives. The answers I received fell into four categories: clarity about relationships, personal growth, work, and self-care. As you digest what others have shared with me, consider, too, what has awakened in you.

Clarity About Relationships

A number of individuals I polled said, without a moment’s hesitation, that the pandemic brought them much deeper appreciation for the close relationships in their lives. As a result they were even more committed to devoting time, energy, and care to these intimate connections.

Several individuals said their realization was that relationships were “all that really mattered.” One of the people I spoke with had lost a close friend to COVID. She found herself still reeling from the suddenness of the loss. This experience heightened her resolve to be in more frequent, meaningful contact with family and friends. She was more determined than ever to more vulnerably share her authentic self with others dear to her.

Another individual spoke of her discovery of the power of asking thoughtful questions of those she cared about. These inquiries opened up unexpected, profoundly powerful insights on both sides of the conversation. This woman made a new commitment to herself. She vowed to stay ever-curious and regularly ask her inner circle friends to tell her about yet-discussed areas of their lives and experiences.

Then there was the powerful realization a friend shared about how the pandemic gifted her a pause wherein “time, recurrence, and commitment” with a new beloved fostered a deep trust in their relationship. For her, it was a trust she felt might not have developed in the same way had life been filled with its typical hustle n’ bustle. For this couple, career travel demands ceased because of COVID restrictions. This allowed their connection to blossom in unexpectedly deep and beautiful ways.

Clarity About Personal Growth

The area of personal growth was a hotspot for transformation! One individual I talked with shared this powerful process she went through: revaluating her gender! “I was finally about to break away from the shell I was in to truly become who I’ve always been,” she said. “Since I was home by myself, the usual societal pressures weren’t on me. This helped me have a lot of introspection on my life and who I am outside of what society says I’m suppose to be. It felt like the whole metamorphic process caterpillars go through to become butterflies. That’s the best way to describe it.” Wow. Just wow, right?! Again, here we witness the blessing of COVID downtime.

Another beautiful soul shared how personal decision-making become easier. She felt a much greater understanding of what-was-what for her. With this confidence about her beliefs, she could more easily take a stand for her positions. We speculated that most likely the life-or-death realizations COVID placed before us prompted the nudge to take quicker, heartfelt, and authentic stances.

I, myself, deeply resonated with this reality. Being pushed up against the backdrop of a possible risk of life empowered me to confidently speak my truth, and this new conviction continues to flow within me. Personal boundary-setting feels effortless; I can feel a fierce, solid “yes or no” intuitively arise within me.

There’s also the compelling sense to stop screwing around! It’s time to stop going undercover, time to take those risks I daydream about. Time to have a greater impact. There’s no time like the present for full, personal expansion and expression. That’s my clarity.

Then there was the lovely and extremely insightful high school student I spoke with. She eloquently shared: “Something I came to understand better was who I am and what I want from life. Before COVID, I didn’t think much about the future or even what I was doing in the moment; I was ‘stuck’ in a routine. Each day I had school, then I’d come home and power through my homework, then go off swimming. It was enjoyable, but it didn’t give me room to think of or try new things. Once COVID happened, my life routine was thrown off, and I was like ‘What do I do with my life now?’ During COVID, I found new passions such as field hockey, self-care, running, and coffee-making! I finally had time to process my life and who I was. I realized I was more that just routine. I had other interests an aspirations in life.”

Such richness and wisdom here with her words. It’s a wonderful reminder of the treasures that self-reflection brings to those of all ages when we give ourselves unhurried time to do so. The pandemic forced us into changed daily rhythms and routines as time slowed. Moving forward, perhaps we might simply harness our personal power of choice and skip the pandemic part.

Clarity About Work

Who needs an office anyways? This by far was the resounding message many received. The pandemic, along with its work-from-home mandates, opened new work-related horizons for many. Fresh perspectives on how and where one can work became crystal-clear for a number of individuals. As the awareness of the glorious work-life freedom portal opened, unexpected relief followed. Long work commutes disappeared. Comfy work attire surfaced. And suddenly, the notion of a laptop open on one’s favorite beach didn’t seem that far out of reach.

Another aspect of career realizations several of the folks I spoke with expressed revolved around the awareness that what they were doing day in and day out was far from desired. The grind had to stop — it was time to pivot and reinvent themselves in the direction of more richly, personally satisfying activities. Clarity around work also included a fierce determination to have it easily reflect who they were and what they loved. In other words, work that didn’t feel like work!

Clarity About Self-Care

Numerous people I spoke with are enjoying and celebrating enhanced self-care rituals as a result of increased leisure time they experienced with the pandemic. Renewed commitment to tenderly tending to their bodies, fitness, and overall health was strong for many. Another key component of this clarity around the importance of nourishing one’s body, mind, and spirit could be seen in a general increase in regularity of practice routines. “Routine” is the key word here. Commitment to keeping one’s routine became easier amid the spaciousness of pandemic days.

And So It Is

As we recognize the ways in which golden portals of clarity opened for many of us during the past months, let us not forget the hardships, grief, and profound losses experienced worldwide. My hope is that the power of each and every persons’ wakeup-calls can serve to offset or cushion, if only a wee bit, humanity’s pain points.

And so it is. Let nothing snuff out the ever-constant force of self-empowerment within you, my friend.

This article was also published in The Brick Magazine.

The Monkey Bar Magic of Letting Go!

September 6, 2021 // by Maria Sylvester

Seek and release all that is in the way. ~Rumi

Let’s jump right in with the big question: What’s in your way, dear friend, on your path to even greater evolution?

May this be your starting point of inquiry. Coach with me, and I’ll probably ask you this question, in some form or another, early on. This is because I believe we must release to evolve! To reveal even more of your unique essence, one must break free of unhelpful patterns, people, routines, thoughts, or feelings, and step into the full truth of who you are.

Sadly, it seems, we often focus so much on things in our life not being better that we can’t let go and simply allow ourselves to remain stuck. Now breathe. Feel into that for a sweet, contemplative moment. It’s true, isn’t it? We sometimes care way too much about our disappointments, and hyper-focus energy there. We do this rather than concentrate on what we desire to generate in our lives. Disappointment locks you into the past. The ticket to growth and evolution includes the invitation to let go of, release, or get over that which has brought disappointment. Doing so jump-starts a momentum in the direction of what you desire.

Forms of Letting Go

So, what are you called to release? Do you seek to let go of elements of your past? Of a toxic relationship? Of control? Of anger? Of resistance? Of a painful experience? Of someone you love? Of a prized possession? Of an uncomfortable thought? The opportunities are endless, the growth potential enormous.

Letting go, I’ve discovered, is the first essential step to transforming any chosen aspect of yourself or your life. Knowing what you don’t want puts you all the closer to what you long for. One of my favorite teachings that highlights this idea can be found in the work of C.S. Lewis, and especially resonates in this quote often attributed to him: “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” Powerful, yes? Reaching up and grabbing those monkey bars, whenever I see them in a park, has become something I now can never resist!

Monkey Bar Magic

When your grip is tightly closed around some aspect of your life, you are exhibiting the energy of control, or even perhaps distrust. When you cling to someone or some circumstance, for instance, you create a breeding ground for rigidity, anxiety, or personal paralysis. One can’t successfully cross monkey bars unless you first surrender to the release and then swing forward, flowing bar to bar. It’s a one-moment-at-a-time kind of prize — the joy of immersing oneself in the present instant.

Nature is my greatest teacher when it comes to the art of leaning back and letting go. There’s no need to mess with nature — no need for control. The process of growth, the changing of seasons, it all simply unfolds. Left to its own accord, a flower blooms into its fullest, most satisfying form. Water it too much, and nature is interrupted by the intervening. The lesson: less action, more surrender. Letting go creates space for the universe to unfold — the universe within as well as the universe outside of yourself.

Release that monkey bar grip and you are drawn forward as well. Follow your strengths instead of focusing on your weaknesses. Head downstream instead of trying to paddle upstream. Embrace change; it’s a natural condition of existence. Let what is seeding within you grow into new form. Accept that which is your inherent nature. Then release all that is in excess. As one Chinese proverb goes: “A bird can roost but on one branch.”

The Process

I’ve discovered, both as part of my own process and that which I offer clients, the intoxicating joy that comes with letting go of what holds one back. The nectar is so, so sweet there. Tend tenderly to your garden. Weed out the unnecessary — all thoughts, feelings, and ways of being that constrict or suffocate you. This is what a devoted master gardener of personal growth and self-expansion is all about.

Here’s an example of how I work with myself to release an emotion that may be causing me some suffering. First, I let myself become fully aware of the challenging feeling. I label the feeling — “I’m feeling angry,” for instance. I try to remember to not say “I am angry,” because I am not anger. I’m simply feeling that emotion.

Next, I allow myself to notice where the feeling is being held in my body. Doing this helps me stay with it. Noticing where an emotion lands in your body also helps you recognize it sooner the next time. This is because our bodies often register things before we are consciously aware of them. So, noting the emotion, I try to relax into it for just a minute or two. I actually welcome it in.

When you can cognitively take control by inviting an emotion in, you avoid possible resistance and the problems it can create. The likelihood of the feeling going underground, or being disguised in defensiveness or avoidant activities, lessens tremendously. When you can welcome and “stay with” a feeling, it typically releases sooner than later. I liken it to a wave: the emotion momentarily rises, then gently recedes once attended to. Making the darkness conscious, though not always easy, has great rewards.

The more you can deeply feel your emotions — while at the same time remembering you are not them — the more confident, calm, clear, courageous, and connected you will feel. These are the states of whole-hearted living. We can experience whole-hearted living when we allow ourselves to embrace all of ourselves, including both our uplifting feelings and our more challenging ones.

As for letting go of painful or disturbing thoughts — cognitive baggage that can’t help but bring you down — one process I love is that created by author Byron Katie. She suggests asking yourself four simple questions when haunted by disturbing thoughts: Is it true? Is it really true? How would you feel if it wasn’t true? And lastly, what’s a thought that is the reverse of the original one?

Engaging in these simple steps is guaranteed to facilitate the opening of fresh perspectives and wider horizons. Challenging your own thought process offers massive self-empowerment. Doing so can greatly lessen unnecessary suffering. This is because from new vantage points, you can more easily let go of that which no longer serves you.

There is additional magic here as well. You’ve probably noticed how, when your thoughts shift, so do whatever feelings accompanied those ideas. New revelations open rapidly when you can observe your thoughts as simply energy, as dancing vibrations. One can always learn new dance steps. You can always change your energy.

Turn Away to Turn Toward It

Letting go keeps us ever-awake to the present. The present moment is all we ever really have, so be there now. Attend to it. Accept what is. Then deliberately turn your attention to where you’re going, not where you’ve been. Your power to create your very best, most magnificent life rests in a devoted forward focus!

This article was also published in The Brick Magazine.