Boldly Breaking Through

"Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another with both attracts and heals." ~ Rumi “Tell me more”is my relationship mantra. It’s magical. It’s powerful. It works. “Tell me more,” I say, when wanting to deepen communication. Tell me more. This is my number one conversational secret sauce for building stronger relationships. Now I’ll share some of the reasons why I love these three words and believe them to be instrumental in the creation of greater intimacy and connection. “Tell me more” is a communication that has the impact of gently encouraging another to expand on something (and it can be absolutely anything) they have shared. It is, first and foremost, a communication of care and respect. It is a statement that says, in affect, “my attention is with youI am here - curious, interested and ready to listen further.” Additionally, “tell me more” is a communication that makes it less likely you’ll interrupt the other person or change the subject. Instead, you are indicating a wish to see a topic developed more extensively. Inherent in the request is also a declaration of willingness to remain present for the discussion. Asking another to tell you more is additionally a way to build trust. And the “telling more” does not necessarily have to be anything deep or profound in order for this to happen. Trust grows as a person feels cared about, listens to, and supported in sharing. Simply talking about the details of one’s day, for instance, while feeling listened to, fosters a more meaningful connection. Warmth and kindness are often infused in the request “tell me more.” This type of loving request creates a sense of spaciousness for conversation. The result is a sense of one being able to relax into a discussion and share more freely. ...

"In the lover’s heart is a flute which plays the melody of longing.” ~Rumi Here we are in February, the month that somehow got dedicated to love and the celebration of Valentine’s Day. For so many, though, this holiday brings with it a heightened sense of longing, - an aching heart, you might say - for a lover, partner, or the bettering of a relationship one is already in. Often, longings such as these are equated with emotional pain, frustration, despair, or unrequited desires. Longings, of any kind really, can leave us mired in feelings of lack, disappointment, or inadequacy. To long for something or someone can seem like pure emotional torture. Yet I’m here to let you in on a little secret about your longings. A secret that, if heeded, could actually transform your life! Here it is: treasure those longings, for they hold the key that will allow you to reclaim your life force and full spirit! Rather than let your longings haunt and torment you, I recommend you invite yourself to open further into these desires. By this I mean you must really acknowledge and then contemplate, with wide-eyed wonderment and generosity, that which you want, yet do not have. Create a space in your mind and heart that is available, really available, to ponder, fully explore, maybe even court (if you will) your longings. Appreciating them as containers of vital information, what might you discover? Your longings are always going to be beckoning you to move toward something. Yet you are left yearning, and feeling incomplete. We yearn deeply when we are not quite ready to receive, or when we are somehow, someway denying ourselves the steps we need to take to embrace the glorious having of something. To transform a longing into a fulfilled desire, it helps to first understand ...

The glorious New Year is upon us, and with it comes that sweet, hopeful energy of new beginnings, fresh starts, and perhaps if we are lucky, dreams realized. A new year awakens us to, above all else, a sense of possibility. Maybe, just maybe, I can meet some of my heart’s deepest longings. Maybe, just maybe, what felt unsurmountable last year can be a challenge I accomplish this time around. A new year always brings whispers of hope - whispers we must listen carefully to, and be prepared to honor and respect. In other words, “When hope whispers, align with it!” Let this be a mantra you embrace at the start of 2019. It is one I created that has empowered many of my coaching clients to see their lives shine’n soar. Perhaps, more than any other time of the year, the month of January opens before us like a grand, spacious ballroom inviting us to dance our finest steps, to create a new masterpiece of our lives. The simple turn of the calendar can empower even the most timid of souls toward suddenly believing a bit more in themselves and in one’s ability to make something amazing happen. The beginning of another year gifts us the blessing of feeling like we have what it takes. Did you catch that? You do. You have what it takes. The turn of a new year gently nudges us into applying, in crystal clear sharp focus, our skills, abilities, and talents in the direction of our sweet, glorious desires. And hope rises. I encourage you, dear reader, to powerfully align with the tender whispers you hear right NOW within the depths of your being. Make your relationship with your self, and with your longings, your top priority. Whatever has surfaced in the way of desires, ...

"Let others see their greatness by looking into your eyes."  ~Molli Morti T’is the season of presents. For some, giving gifts is a delicious delight. For others, it is a nerve racking, stress-filled challenge. Yet, hark! Why not take the pressure out of this year’s holiday time? Gift shopping need not have to throw you into overwhelm. Instead, simply consider nurturing all of your relationships with the gift of presence - your wonderful presence! How does one practice presence in relationships? First, and foremost, you must appreciate your personal significance. Feel into this. Really recognize how much you matter to those in your inner circle - because you do! And your absence, or a distracted, half-there emotional state is going to be upsetting for those close to you. Surprisingly, this appreciation is not something that comes easily for some people. Many tend to dismiss or devalue their significance. Think about it - if you don’t realize your significance, you are not likely to imagine your presence will impact others or even register to them. And therefore, you’ll be less likely to offer it! I love to remind my coaching clients that the more they know the value their unique essence, their inner gold so to speak, holds for family and friends, the more they will strive to be deeply present in, (and for) those relationships. After acknowledging your significance, and embracing such within yourself, you can move on to a few specifics of gifting it! Let your state of being present for others include setting your phone down. Better yet, put it away, out of sight. Carve out specific time to be together, face-to-face with your dear ones. Make them a priority! Show this first by approaching them with an open, welcoming posture. Look them in the eye, communicating that you truly want to ...

A thankful heart hath a continual feast. ~W.J. Cameron Feel it. Offer it. Watch your life transform! Give yourself the pleasure of a moment of appreciating something, and watch how, just like a magnet, riches on many levels come back to you! Appreciation is defined as “the recognition and enjoyment of good qualities of someone or something.” Opening ourselves to savoring the good qualities of people, circumstances or things around us is so simple to do. The option is always there. You can experience appreciation and gratitude in any instant you choose. Begin now, today, in this month of November especially, a month that has a built-in day dedicated to reminding us to give thanks and experience gratitude. Everything in the universe has an energy or an energetic vibration. Even our thoughts are energy. Thoughts register a given “frequency” depending on their type, specifically positive or negative. Similar frequencies of energy group together to create patterns. If you think the same kinds of thoughts, then over time, those patterns actually become something you can feel. These feelings are what we call emotions! Low frequency emotions, such as anger, jealousy, frustration, or envy are fueled by negative thoughts. High frequency emotions such as joy, happiness, love or gratitude are fueled by good, positive thoughts. The short’n sweet of it is that being able to appreciate something gifts you a state of positive emotion. If you believe in the law of attraction - that like attracts like- you can easily understand why the high energy act of appreciating also creates a high energy good vibe inside your soul. And then, if you want to really rock this out, continue appreciating as many things as possible. You’ll feel better and better, begin to attract more amazing opportunities, and experiences. Your life satisfaction will skyrocket. The more you ...

Where there is the greatest love, there are always miracles. ~ Willa Cather~ When was the last time you celebrated what was working well in your relationships? When was the last time you noted what you were contributing? Rather than feeling inadequate when a connection steers off course, why not help set it straight again by plugging into your relationship superpowers? Do you know what yours are? Noting that is definitely worth a moment of reflection. Don’t fall into the trap of focusing on what isn’t working, or on the problems you are having with someone. Instead, concentrate on what you might do differently in that moment. As I love to remind my coaching clients, it is by recognizing and using our strengths that we experience true joy in relationships. If we harness our strengths, we can also more easily make positive changes when needed. Problems get more quickly resolved. The result - feelings of empowerment in the art of intimacy and connection! Let today be the day you really appreciate the strengths you bring to all the important relationships in your life. I can pretty much guarantee that if you reflect on and embrace the gifts you offer in your connection with others, you will feel the bonds you have deepen. Not only that, but you will feel the appreciation you have for yourself grow significantly. How delicious is that? And perhaps most importantly, as you recognize and value your interpersonal strengths, you will get even better at utilizing them. Get ready for greater satisfaction in your relationship world. There are a number of areas where relationship strengths empower us and deserve to be further harvested. Consider, for instance, your ability to communicate with those in your inner circle. Perhaps you are a pro at being able to speak openly and without ...

Cooler September breezes are upon us, reminding us we are heading toward a transition. The close of summer and the beginning of fall is just one of a myriad of transitions we experience in a lifetime. Transitions are a common theme in my life coaching practice, as many clients seek support when faced with a transition point in their life. There are multiple reasons why a person might seek help when transitioning from one aspect or area of their life to another, but I believe it is the experience of uncertainty that these times call forth, that especially drives clients my way. What is it about the feeling of uncertainty that haunts us and can feel so daunting? One element is that we, as human beings, love familiarity. Being familiar with something is comforting, cozy, and confidence affirming. We know what’s what and that is so satisfying! We love and seek certainty for just this reason. To step from the familiar into a new landscape can be terrifying! Life transitions force us to sit with uncertainty, and all the feelings of insecurity or anxiety such can bring. One can’t know ahead of time, or exactly predict, how a change will pan out. Whether you are moving from one job to another, or ending a relationship or navigating a new degree-to-career path, you won’t (at least at first) know exactly how the new opportunity will feel or how it will unfold. The question you will be faced with is whether the effects of the change are desirable or not. And something funny, but common, often happens next. When you can’t predict an outcome, or have limited knowledge as to the way a situation will go, you begin to doubt yourself. Uncertainty fuels self-doubt. So true, yes? Clients come to me for support during life ...

Time to rewrite the script, I remind coaching clients who come feeling stuck, frustrated and unable to move their lives forward. Often we have clear goals, aspirations, plans and grand intentions. We strive toward these dreams while, at the same time, subconsciously believing we are “not good enough,” “unworthy,” “invisible,” “going to be rejected,” or any number of negative tales we spin about ourselves. We are likely to sabotage our endeavors unless we change such negative subconscious chatter. Until the subconscious becomes conscious and is altered, we are preprogrammed to continue collecting evidence to support our false stories or limiting beliefs. The result: we hit a wall, feel helpless, and act in dysfunctional ways, often confused about why our ship always seems to be sinking. I love to reassure my coaching clients that worlds of possibility and life-inspiring changes await, if one can first identify, and then take a firm stand against, the negative thoughts which perpetuate these crazy little stories, stories we’ve often lugged around since childhood. So what is your three or four word story? It will be a simple story because that is how we made sense of whatever happened to us in childhood, at a time when we aren’t capable of making abstract meaning out of traumas. Instead, we concluded something was wrong with us, and believe it as fact. To identify your old story, think about a time when you’ve felt really disappointed. It is especially at times of disappointment that we are inclined to slip into a negative story. You may even feel younger in that moment, perhaps the age you were when you got confused about your worth. For example, you might think: “See, I wasn’t chosen for the position because I’m just not ___________.” We fill in the blank, literally, and figuratively. Your blank ...

Regrets, - oh, how they can haunt us. They can torture us too, draining our energy and spirits, especially if excessively dwelled upon. Regrets are no fun to tangle with, yet so often they end up tying us in knots. Pestering and festering regrets come in several varieties. A regret can surface as you ponder an action taken, or ponder an action not taken. If you take an action that results in a nasty outcome, you can end up blaming yourself, or feel a sense of deep sadness reflecting on what might have been. Sometimes we wish we could undo a choice made, and have a makeover or redo. On the other hand, sometimes regrets come in the form of the road not taken, or the road ignored, and we are left to ponder the “what ifs.” Sorrow and despair can easily follow. Bottom line, though, is that regrets of any type, if obsessed or ruminated over, can cause acute stress. Our peace of mind suffers and the emotional pain we feel takes its to toll on our bodies, spirits,` and overall health. So what are alternative, more beneficial ways to navigate feelings of regret? First and foremost, truth be told, there are always valuable lessons to be learned from negative consequences, failures or blunders. These lessons become golden opportunities especially if you can minimize, or better yet, eliminate harsh self-judgement. It can be character strengthening to acknowledge shortcomings or weaknesses while at the same time reminding ourselves that everyone makes mistakes. Yet acknowledging a regret in the way I just described doesn’t mean you keep hanging out there with it. Next, it is absolutely essential to focus forward, not backward. We can control what happens as we move forward, and can’t control that which has already occurred. Therefore, one of my ...

Head to the woods - or at least head outside - if you want to experience yourself in a new ways! The great outdoors is filled with special energies. Nature has the power to quickly renew heart and spirit. This renewal can happen with ease and without involving complex plans or activities. It can be as simple as a walk in the neighborhood, resting on a log in the woods, or enjoying tea while sitting in your backyard garden. Bare feet touching the ground furthers this glorious experience of rejuvenation! I love the sense of peace and purity I experience amid the vibrant wildness of nature. In nature, we enjoy stillness and quiet as a respite from to the noise, frenzy, and overstimulation of days when we are plugged in, wired, and rushing about. The outdoors invites you inside - inside yourself. Once inside, you can reflect, ponder, daydream, or find that sweet spot of stillness and quiet. This invitation inside, when outside, is always available to you, and worth accepting whenever possible. For when surrounded by nature, one is surrounded by mystery and awe. And these states of mystery and awe, often lead one to contemplation, growth and to feelings of expansiveness and joy! Even a small amount of time spent in nature can awaken you to aspects of yourself that might otherwise take days for you to notice and comprehend. Why is this? I believe it is because in nature, you reconnect with your true nature. Without the distractions of your crazy, harried life, you walk, breath in the air, smell the flowers, watch little earth creatures, and experience your brain relaxing to the natural rhythms of life. These natural rhythms then harken you back to your own personally rejuvenating cycles. You are reminded of your exquisite essence, your flow, ...

"There is a life-force within your soul, seek that life. There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that mine. O Traveler, if you are in search of that, don’t look outside, look inside yourself and seek that." ~Rumi So often, clients find their way to me for life coaching because of feeling overwhelmed or defeated by life. They long to feel vibrantly alive, inspired and reenergized. As the first order of the day, I always encourage them to consider establishing routines or habits that are soul-nourishing, life-affirming and energy-inducing. A habit, I remind them, is defined as: “a settled or regular tendency or practice followed until in has become almost involuntary.” Embracing good habits can create powerful results! I have three favorite effective habits that work like magic when seeking to refuel and enrich one’s life. The first is the habit of simply slowing down. So many of us unknowingly slip regularly into an often fast-paced, frenetic, wildly harried lifestyle. This way of being can limit or diminish the likelihood of one feeling satisfied or fulfilled. The unfortunate impact of a fast-paced, driven existence can be a sense of disconnection and alienation from oneself and others. What is needed is a time for slowing down, and maybe even of sensory withdrawal; of closing one’s eyes and ears to the world for a few moments in order to enter more deeply into yourself. If you can make slowing down a routine experience in your life, the benefits you’ll enjoy will be immense. Consciously slowing down mentally, emotionally and physically moves you into a more mindful, centered place. From this state, you can better appreciate and savor whatever is before you. Slowing down can become an intentional, deliberate way of moving in the world, and at the same time still allow ...

Spring is upon us! And as nature is welcoming in this time of glorious new beginnings, perhaps you too will be inspired for some fresh starts. The spring season, with buds blooming and birds chirping, invites us toward healthier living. Listen. I’m sure you will hear the calling! Healthy living, to me, includes valuing play time and just being time as much as work and productive time. We are human beings, not human doings as the saying goes. So why not use the gift of spring’s arrival as the time you begin to even more deeply embrace the art of being? Ah, the art of being. To simply slow down and rest in the knowing that your very essence is enough. I can almost guarantee that you will experience a magnificent feeling of lightness, presence and joy when you begin to appreciate that being is as significant and powerful as doing. Often we get confused into believing that our self-worth is measured by what we do, or produce. We become driven to perform so that we can feel ok about ourselves, equating self-worth with how well we achieve. One can often sacrifice an emotional sense of well-being and peace in failing to recognize that the restful, in-between moments are as fruitful, rich and satisfying as busier times. With so much of life focused on outcomes, it can be hard to value and sustain the practice of allowing yourself to just be. And yet, ironically, the more one does this, the more successful, creative and expansive your life will become. There are several key ways I have found to more intentionally live in the being zone. Time in nature, for instance, helps. When you can be outside, experiencing the natural world with all of your senses - sight, smell, touch, hearing, and ...