At the heart of my coaching practice is my dedication to helping people get unstuck so they can be unstoppable, and really see their lives soar. Moving your life forward to a place of such freedom that you experience the exhilaration of soaring is no small thing. I believe it’s a possibility for everyone.
Let’s consider, and celebrate here, all the mechanisms and forces that enable one to move in this direction of rich personal expansion. We all desire this. It’s inherently part of our life force — this longing for growth and expression of our pure potentiality. Yet, despite this draw, many of us humans on this planet often feel stuck.
Over the course of my lifetime, there have been more moments than I can count when I’ve felt it — the quagmire of deadlock in the exact instant I desire its opposite. Therefore, I’ve made it my mission to study this phenomenon, determined to learn a few secrets about how to release oneself from such states. I’ll share them with you here.
Goals That Aren’t Manifesting
Do you ever find yourself puzzling over why a goal or intention you’ve set for yourself — one you deeply desire — isn’t happening no matter what you’ve tried? Bummer indeed. This reality is actually what brings most of my coaching clients into my practice. These individuals are dedicated to growth and change for themselves, yet can’t quite unlock the missing pieces to making key things that they long for happen.
Invariably, we discover that the reason they’re stuck is because they’re still under the press of a subconscious old story or false belief. It’s as simple as that! Knowing this, however, is only the beginning of the release process, for these old stories run deep. Their hold over us quite frequently intense and tenacious.
The cost of remaining stuck in a false belief about yourself is extreme. It can mean the difference between a life of freedom, happiness, and serenity and a life of emotional pain, frustration, and thwarted efforts. So step one is becoming conscious of the fact that you hold a negative belief in the first place. Easy to say, but not always easy to accept. The challenge, however, is one we all face from time to time.
Untangling from the Story
I believe that at our core, we are all about goodness, purity, and peace. We’re born this way. Our existence is simply that, until it’s not. Life gets complicated quickly. Our inner worth and value becomes confused with all these mixed messages we get early on — messages about what is acceptable or not, about what feelings will be tolerated or which will not.
In childhood, we learn to suppress emotions that parents or significant figures in our life deem problematic. We create meaning out of situations we don’t understand. And the meaning we give those moments typically become negative stories about ourselves. For instance, a child growing up with a depressed parent unable to fully attend to nurturing concludes that they aren’t valuable, or good enough under this lack of attention. Children typically reference external events from the perspective of something being wrong with them. They don’t yet have the capacity to make abstract meaning out of events happening to them, so it’s always in some way “their fault.”
Sadly, these beliefs crystalize into subconscious stories that the child-turned-adult rigidly experiences as truth about themselves. And as long as beliefs remain subconscious, they run major interference with successful goal completion.
From Subconscious to Conscious
Here’s two secrets to recognizing you are stuck in a subconscious old story. First, in the moment, you will always feel younger than your stated age. Typically you’ll feel the age you were when the belief originated. I, for example, feel about three years old when I’m in my “not good enough” story. Recognizing that you feel younger helps you catch yourself and flip out of that story into your conscious truth — you’re an adult who is plenty good enough for all those in your inner circle! We never want to be striving toward a goal when stuck in our old story. It’s guaranteed not to go well.
Secondly, when stuck in a subconscious negative belief or story, you will experience the sense of feeling broken or needing to be fixed. Again, in this state, it’s not likely one will be able to tackle goals at full capacity. On the other hand, when we’re able to recognize that we’ve slipped into an old state because we feel strangely defective, we can move past it. We can step back into consciously recognizing our strong, competent, adult self capable of many possibilities. It’s only from a place of feeling possibility that we want to pursue our desires and goals. From this vantage point, success is well within reach!
To get unstuck, in other words, one must be willing to face and feel into something that typically doesn’t feel easy or good. There is the temptation to avoid. Additionally, have you ever noticed that when stuck, you often feel confusion? Being in a state of confusion is a tip-off that we’ve compromised our power.
Being stuck is a choice. Let me say that again. Feeling stuck or feeling free is a choice. You can dig your heals in, bury your head in the sand, and avoid the risk of new contemplations or new actions, or you can open your mind and heart to new awarenesses and possibilities. My vote is always for the latter.
Then comes the fun. The ease. The joy. From a place of being centered in the present, having cleared out those old stories, letting yourself feel all your feelings, and facing your fears rather than suppressing them, it’s time to move in the direction you desire. The shift will be amazing.
Formulate your intention or goal in the present, as if it has already happened. For instance, you might think about how you allow your relationship with your partner to be loving, harmonious, and playful. Or maybe you allow yourself to enjoy a career that inspires your creativity, meaningfully connects you with others, and brings great abundance.
Notice with these examples that the desires feel realistic and attainable. Additionally, you’ll want to be sure to include yourself in the statements. Envision intentions that are precise, concise, and relatively specific — but at the same time, not limiting. This allows room for the universe to work with you. Lastly, you need not be concerned with the “how” of specific steps or means through which the goal will manifest. Rather, simply focus your energy on the delicious end result as if it’s already yours. Feel into it and savor the experience of whatever sensations you notice in having it.
Now, top off the wonder of this process by letting your imagination soar. Vividly picture, using all your senses, what attaining your dream is like. Bask in whatever you notice or whatever emotions surface. Welcome your intention with love and appreciation. Let the pleasure you will most likely be experiencing carry your energy forward.
Having what we deeply desire need not be complicated. Rather, it’s an opportunity to step more richly into the flow and movement of life and of possibility. So go ahead and let yourself get unstuck; be unstoppable, and SOAR!
This article was also published in The Brick Magazine.